The Momma Interviews is a new blog series by Catherine O'Brien, LMFT highlighting the thoughts, experiences and wisdom of a unique real-world mom each week, to normalize and validate the struggles and triumphs that are a part of the universally human experience of motherhood for women everywhere.
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This weeks interview comes from a momma who is blocking out the haters! First time mothers get lots of advice and Nakita is figuring out how to handle the constant comments from the peanut gallery!
Meet Nakita-- here is her interview:
How do you balance the mom, work, and relationship roles?
It's difficult, and sometimes I don't get to have "adult time" with my husband for weeks. Once we do get the chance we do try to take advantage of it. I also have to balance out school as well, which is even harder to do because I only get a little bit of time to do homework between work, my husband and my son.
Most moms I speak to say there are moments when they are ready to throw in the towel. Can you describe a time you felt this way? What got you through it?
Yes, and it was the first month or two my son was first born and it was just me taking care of my son all the time. He just cried and cried and I was trying to get used to the new life and I was so ready to just quit. I think my son realized it or felt for me.. Even though he's still quite young, he all of sudden just got easier to handle. When I do have my moments, I do a few things to get through it. One I remember the day he was born and how little he was and it reminds of how happy and proud I was. The next thing I do is look at his cute little face either when he's happy or crying and just regain all kinds of love for him. Lastly if those don't work I just run through the list, eat, sleep or diaper change. Usually one of those are the reasons he's crying.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED, OVERSTRETCHED, OR LESS THAN?
Right now, because I haven't gone back to work yet, I try to take a long hot shower, or take at least a little bit of time out for me. Either do my make up or my hair.
I've had parents tell me that one of the hardest things about being a parent is the comparisons and judgements from other parents. How do you personally cope with that?
Yes!! In the beginning my husband used to compare our son to his first born all the time and it used to make me so mad because my son isn't anything like his first one. I also used to have a friend tell me what I should be doing with my son because that's what she was doing with her daughter.. And I just got sick of it and just stopped talking to her.
What is the great lesson you've learned as a mom?
Patience. Lots and lots of patience. Oh and compromise. My son comes first, so after he's eaten, and been changed, I can then eat and take care of things that need to be done.
What is your favorite quote that inspires you as a mom?
Right now I don't have one, I'm just trying to survive the first year haha.
What is your favorite song that inspires you as a mom?
I don't have one of these either.
What is the one piece of advice you'd like to give to other moms?
Be patient, and do what you think is best for your son. Sure you're going to get a lot of advice from other moms, but do what YOU think is best. That is your son/daughter and only you provide and take care of them. Also don't worry if your kid is ahead or behind, each child is different and come into their own at their own pace when they are ready.
What do you feel is your greatest personal struggle with the experience of motherhood?
I no longer have the freedoms I used to. I used to shower everyday, and now if I'm lucky, it's 2 or 3 times a week. My husband is great, but sometimes I would just like more from him when it comes to our son. I get up with him at night, feed him, bathe him, clothe him, change him every time. I mean my husband helps every now and then but it would be nice to just go to the store without my kid always being with me.
How has your relationship with your partner changed? How has it stayed the same?
It's definitely changed a lot. Even though I just complained about a lot of his lack of help.. He's still supportive and helps out with a lot of other things even if it isn't with our son. He used to never be this supportive and he used to always be about him and his own. He's finally starting to see its no longer like that.
How has your relationship with your friends, family or support system changed? How has it stayed the same?
t's definitely changed with friends.. I should phrase it more like, what friends? Haha seriously. Once you have kids, the "friends" disappear. My family came down to visit me, it was the first time I had seen them in 3 years, so that's changed. I'm not really close with my family, so it's nice to get a little help and support from them.
What is something that has surprised you about being a mom (i.e. something you didn't realize you'd enjoy, something you didn't know babies/kids did, something you didn't know could bring so much joy)?
How quickly my son learns things. He's four months but seems to pick up on stuff so quickly, it's wonderful.
How many children do you have? (Include the special make-up of your family steps, adopted, guardianships, halves- or no details at all- up to you!)
Share your relationship status.