Dealing With the Grief of Miscarriage & Baby Loss

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October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.  This is so important for every one of us to be aware of--because even if you’ve never experienced this yourself, I can almost guarantee someone close to you has.


1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage or lose their baby in their lifetime.  Think about that for a minute. 1 in 4. Think about how many women you know. And maybe a few of them have told you (or you heard through the grapevine) that they’ve experienced this kind of loss, but then think about how many may have experienced this quietly without telling anyone.


Of course, my hope is that this kind of tragedy hasn’t happened to you. But whether it has or hasn’t, this impacts you.  And because of that, I wanted to share some thoughts for both the parents who have lost their baby as well as to the loved ones who want to be a support.  Because we don’t talk about these things enough--in fact, it’s hard to know what to say. No one wants to say the wrong thing.

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In an effort to undo that, I have a few initial thoughts for grieving parents as well as supporting friends and family. So, check out the video and transcript below.


And if you need further support with this--whether it’s help with finding resources in your area or processing your grief together--please know that I am here to help.  


WATCH THE VIDEO:

This video previously aired as a Facebook Live.  You can follow Happy With Baby on Facebook to catch all their live videos here.

QUOTABLES:

 

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:


Hey there, guys. Happy Thursday. So I actually said yesterday I was gonna go live at 11:30 today and it is only 11:30 to here my time and I'm excited that I actually I'm doing it. So I'm hoping to make this a regular thing. I hope you guys can join me on a regular, every Thursday basis.



So today I'm talking about, October is Awareness Month for a lot of different things, a lot of important issues. ADHD, breast cancer, domestic violence, and it's also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. And that's what I'm going to talk about a little bit today. And then October 15th is Remembrance Day.



You might not realize this, but one in four women will experience a miscarriage, stillbirth, or even an infant loss and I think it's really important for us to honor these parents and to remember their children that were lost too soon for sure.



If you or a loved one are experiencing this currently, I think it's really important to remember that there's gonna be a lot of emotions, a lot of feelings, a lot of grief and loss and all sorts of stuff that come up around this - come up around any sort of loss, especially a loss of a child.



And I think it's also important to remember is that we all don't show our grief and loss in the same ways. It's gonna look different for everyone. And sometimes things will look okay and then you'll think it's over, and it's not because triggers come out of nowhere. I think social media can be a huge trigger too for especially parents that have lost a child because it seems it's all over the place. So I think it's remembering that and I think it--it's gonna impact everybody. You know, it impacts families and friends and everybody.



I think it's also important for us to know that, you know, anytime we get pregnant and are expecting a child, we have expectations. As much as I'd like to work with couples to kind of let go of some of those expectations, and when something like this happens, it totally is the most devastating of all expectations.



And so, we need to take care of these parents especially and and check in with them and be present with them, whether that's through text messaging or voicemails and calling them. And even if they don't always respond to our messages, whatever they are via email, is like just keep checking in with them and let them know that you're there and that you are available.



If you need support for yourself because it is a loved one [who is experiencing this] and it's hard to see a loved one struggling, make sure that you're getting support for yourself too.



I know sometimes I'll talk to people that say nobody ever says anything. And then I'll talk to the people that want to say something and they're like, I don't know what to say. And I think it's important to remember that there's no words that you're gonna say that is gonna ever make this better for them, but I think is being present is what is gonna be remembered. They're gonna remember that you were there for them. And that's what's important. So you don't have to have the perfect words because there really are no perfect words, but be present and be there for them.



So if you or a loved one are going through this and need support, please let me know. And I'd be happy to help you find resources and connect you with the support that you need because it's really important. It's important when we're experience grief and loss to have the support that we need.



So until next time, you guys, take care.


RESOURCES & RELATED LINKS:

6 Things to Never Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Baby (And What to Do Instead)

Miscarriage & Baby Loss: 7 Key Things You Need to Know

How to Parent When Your Heart is Broken




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