In my last blog post, I talked about the importance of scheduling time to connect with your partner. I talked about how couples need time for both check-ins (the daily and weekly logistical and schedule-based stuff that keep your household running) and connection time (date nights and hangout time to reconnect and forget about the logistical stuff). And I also talked about the importance of self-care. All of these things need to be scheduled.
As the saying goes, "What gets scheduled is what gets done."
One of the biggest concerns I hear from couples that call my office is: How do they find time to spend together as a couple with everything else they have to do in a day?
As a parent and partner to my amazing husband, I have to say I know this concern all too well. I feel like there are a lot of different things we need to contend with. We have to take care of our child or children. We have jobs. We have to grocery shop, clean the house, take care of our own needs… The list, quite frankly, is never ending. So, usually spending time together comes last. It’s right down there with taking care of ourselves. Both should really be much higher on the list of priorities.
A recent Facebook post went viral about a mother who was seeking help for Postpartum Depression, but instead of her being able to get the help she was seeking, it resulted in the cops being called, the mother feeling “more broken”, and with still no services in place to help her. This is not OK.
Is it just me, or does it seem like this year’s cold and flu season is particularly rough? Lately, it seems like everyone has taken the hit. It has definitely shaken things up a bit at my household already.
In January’s issue of Real Simple magazine, they put out a great article on how to survive sick days. (The advice in it is genius. It’s worth checking out.) But, the focus is mostly on families with older kids. And it hit me: Why haven’t I talked about sick days with babies and toddlers on the blog before?? So, that’s what I want to dig into now because I think there are some specific things to note when your baby or toddler gets sick.
I don’t know about you, but I’m still riding high on new year’s vibes. I’m so excited for what’s in store this year and am feeling really optimistic about what this year will bring for all of us. One of the ways that I like to welcome the new year and honor myself for what I’ve lived through in the past year is to do a yearly reflection. (I posted a blog about this last January.) This helps me to really think about all the things I actually did do in the last 12 months, and not get discouraged by all the things I didn’t do. And to kick things off for us this year, I made a short video telling you about how I was introduced to this practice and why I think you should try it too.
Well, moms and dads, it's been another interesting year! To honor the work we've done over the past year and to help usher in the new year, this week I thought I'd highlight the most popular blog content we've put out in 2017. These are the posts you've read and loved the most!
It's the end of the year and that means I'm deep into 2018 planning mode. I really want to make sure that I'm providing you with helpful information that you actually want and need. So, I'd love your input!
I've created a super short survey for you, dear reader. I promise it will take you less than 2 minutes. Will you help me out?
When you’re a mom, the unsolicited advice and passing criticisms from others can come out of nowhere sometimes.
Because the holidays tend to bring about more family gatherings and social events, this can set us up for a lot of opportunity to to be on the receiving end of those comments. Not to mention, with all the added stress and hustle that the holidays often bring with them, we might be feeling just a bit more frazzled or sensitive than other times of the year. As if being a parent to babies and small children isn’t challenging enough.
Recently, I had a conversation with another mom about that tricky phase many of us go through when we parents are trying to determine whether it’s time to drop a nap in our little one’s sleep schedule. Sometimes babies and toddlers can be really good at sending us a mixed bag of signals--particularly when it comes to naps.
And now that we’re in the full throes of holiday season, I think this topic is especially important since many of us spend time traveling or going to holiday events that also can bring about disruptions to our little ones’ sleep schedules (among other things).
ast week on the blog, I talked to you about managing outside expectations on your family for the holiday season. If you’re wanting a quieter, simpler, more peaceful holiday season without the rushing around from this party to that dinner… First of all, I don’t blame you. Doing all that with a brand new baby or even a toddler can sometimes just be way too much. Especially if you’re only doing it because you feel like it’s expected of you.
But also, I do realize that telling you to set those boundaries with friends and family is kind of easy for me to say. I’m not the one that has to look them in the face and say it for you. So, I understand the anxiety that comes along with that.
Well, the holiday season is upon us. Thanksgiving is a week away and I swear it sneaks up on me faster and faster every year. The holidays can be stressful, chaotic, busy for everyone. This can be especially true for new moms.
I have couples tell me all the time how stressful the holiday season can be with a new baby at home. They share that they feel obligated to make the rounds. I always tell them that they don’t need to do that.
We’re officially within the bounds of “holiday season” by now. We survived the time change (how did that go for your little ones, by the way?). It’s getting darker way sooner than it was just weeks ago. And fall is transitioning into winter.
This time of year, the sun sets so early in the day and even when it’s out, you might not always see too much of it. Skies turn grey or overcast many days out of the season. Northern California, where I live, definitely tends to get more precipitation this time of year than it does the rest of the year. And many places across the country get much more rain (or snow!) than we do.
Last week, in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I wrote about some of the common threads experienced by moms who have miscarried or lost a baby. This week, I want to talk about how to be a support to these moms.
Because I think we often struggle with how to support someone who has lost a loved one in general, and when someone who has lost a baby it can seem almost not real to the people in her periphery. But even when our intentions are good, we can sometimes slip up and say the wrong thing in our attempts to be supportive.
This Sunday (Oct. 15) is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and all of October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. To honor that and the moms* who have lived through the experience of a miscarriage or baby loss, I wanted to share with you just how common the occurrence is, what the experience can feel like for some moms, and ways friends and family can help.
Parenthood is never easy, even when life seems perfect. And those times when life is not so perfect? Harder. And those times when loss, tragedy or trauma happen? The hardest. Lately, it’s hard to listen to the news log onto social media. It seems like there’s a new natural disaster or political mess every single day. It’s starting to feel normal, even though we know nothing about any of this is or should be normal.
With details about the Las Vegas Shooting coming out nearly a week later (and will probably continue to roll out in the weeks and months to come), we might be in for a rough emotional ride. Especially because of how particularly senseless or inexplicable this event feels. Especially especially if you know someone was there or otherwise feel some connection to that particular place.
Ugh, potty training. Am I right? It can be so challenging, so stressful. For you AND for your little one. I want to help you get through potty training a little more pleasantly (Is pleasant potty training a thing? OK, maybe not. But let’s at least make it a little less torturous, shall we?)
There are a lot of good articles all over the internet on HOW to potty train your child, so I’m not going to spend time saying the same things many experts have already done. My aim here instead is to take into account the big emotions you and your child will likely be feeling during this process so that you can get through it calmly and with empathy.
When I was pregnant with my daughter (our second child), I distinctly remember being really worried that I would not be as in love with her as I was with my son (our first). In fact, my husband and I use to joke that we shouldn't have a second kid because he was so awesome and perfect--there was just no way our second could live up to that. “Our next kid would probably be a total nightmare,” we’d tease.
I don’t know about you, but lately, my Facebook newsfeed is filled with adorable first-day-of-school photos. I love it. You can see the anticipation in their little faces and I completely understand what those moms and dads posting them must be feeling.
This time of year always makes me a bit reflective about transitions. And I can’t help but think about how parenthood is constantly insisting we grow right along with our kids.
Quick--If you had to guess, when do you think our children first begin to notice racial differences?
You might guess that it begins in grade school, when kids are under more pressure to fit in or have had more time to absorb their parents’ perceptions and commentary on different races. But, you’d be wrong. These concepts begin taking shape much, much earlier than that.
Has your baby or toddler hit the “separation anxiety” phase in their development yet? Our littles can start feeling separation anxiety as early as 6 months and usually phases out by age 2, but the peak age range is 8-18 months. It usually looks like clinginess, tantrums or resistance to other caregivers. It often happens when mom or dad leaves the room for a moment, or during bedtime routines, or when a child is dropped off at a caregiver’s place.
What is it like as a dad or co-parent when your partner has Postpartum Depression or Anxiety? Well, "difficult" would be an understatement. Imagine you and your partner have the baby you’ve always wanted, but mom is just not herself anymore and you don’t know how to make things better. It can feel helpless or hopeless. It can feel frustrating. You might feel angry or impulsive. Or worried or sad. Or numb. Or way too preoccupied with tending to her needs and feelings that you have no idea how you even feel about it.
Remember back when you had roommates and it was so easy to divvy up the chores list and make sure everyone paid their share of the bills? And if someone wasn’t pulling their weight, it was really clear, right? Everyone knew who the lame roommate was and a simple house meeting could nip it in the bud or that roommate would be finding a new place.
Finding childcare for your little ones can be an incredibly overwhelming thing for new parents--especially if you are bracing yourself to go back to work for the first time.
There’s so much to think about just logistically: the research involved, phone calls to make, interviews to conduct, budgeting to figure out, and so on. And when you factor in all the emotions that come with it--The guilt! Oh, the guilt!--it can almost feel like too much to handle on top of everything else you already have to do everyday.
Ah, summer travel… Second maybe only to the Christmas/Chanukah season, this is probably the most popular time for travel. Vacations are always worth it--it’s great family bonding and relaxation time for parents, and little ones always have a blast when experiencing new things. But, let’s be honest: the traveling to and from our incredible family vacations is not always so restful. Or even pleasant. Whether flying or driving, the challenges often the same--keeping our little ones content and occupied.
So often in my practice, I see women who are struggling with a loss of identity now that they're a mom. I also see many parents--both moms and dads--who feel like it just isn't feasible for them to continue certain activities. That it would be impossible for them to enjoy it, to focus, or do it the way they want to with a little one tagging along. It can feel very literally like a monkey on your back while you're trying to do your thing. Or, like you can't just lose yourself in the activity because you have this other person to tend to.
Motherhood has a way of catalyzing change and growth. It's like the one great equalizer: Motherhood doesn't care if you're a so-called "expert" or not. We ALL struggle. And we all acquire our own set of mothering wisdom to share.
Fourth of July weekend will soon be upon us. This is a popular time for many of us to make lasting memories from barbecues to fireworks. For my family, this is typically vacation time and we all look forward to it every year.
It is with this in mind that I want to talk about the importance of slowing down and just being present with our families. So easily, our lives can become a rapid pace of go-go-go. There’s school and work and extracurriculars and birthday parties. (Don’t even get me started on the holiday season or back-to-school time!) If your littles are too small for this hustle to be your norm yet, consider yourself lucky. And really, that’s all the more reason to enjoy this slower pace now. It doesn’t last. Nothing does, does it? That’s exactly the point.