Momma Interviews: Meet Sharon Martin

The Momma Interviews is a new blog series by Catherine O'Brien, LMFT highlighting the thoughts, experiences and wisdom of a unique real-world mom each week, to normalize and validate the struggles and triumphs that are a part of the universally human experience of motherhood for women everywhere. 

Want to be the next featured momma?  You can sign up right here.

This week we are hearing from a mother of three, who stopped trying to separate her life as a mom, as a wife and as a professional and found out how all three can really compliment each other!   

Here's her interview:

How do you balance the mom, work, and relationship roles? 

I’m fortunate to have a lot of flexibility in my schedule and to be able to do some work, such as writing and marketing at home. More and more, however, I’m seeing the overlap in all of my roles and finding it helpful. My roles as wife and mother inform my work as a therapist. My work as a therapist informs my writing and personal relationships. It all melds together and isn’t as separate as I once thought. That being said, there are still days that I'm running around like a wild woman. I try to do better at managing my commitments and schedule in order to keep it manageable.

Most moms I speak to say there are moments when they are ready to throw in the towel.  Can you describe a time you felt this way?  What got you through it? 

These tend to be the days that I come home late, tired, the house is a mess, and homework isn't done. Basically, everything feels chaotic and out of my control. I have to take some deep breaths, mentally step back and get my priorities straight.The other thing that's really stressful is when I have an argument with my 14 year old before school and there isn't time to resolve it. Sending her a text with an apology, once I've cooled down, usually helps.

Most moms I speak to say there are moments when they are ready to throw in the towel.  Can you describe a time you felt this way?  What got you through it? 

I need to be alone. I need quiet to decompress, get in touch with my thoughts and feelings and reflect on what’s going on. Going out for a walk is really helpful, too.    

I've had parents tell me that one of the hardest things about being a parent is the comparisons and judgements from other parents. How do you personally cope with that? 

I don’t give it much attention anymore. When my kids were young I found it useful to remember that every baby learns to walk, use the toilet, sleep in his own bed, etc. It isn’t a big rush to the next milestone. Every kid is different. When I find I’m falling down the rabbit hole of comparison, I think about why I’m feeling insecure or jealous of someone else’s accomplishment or parenting. It does still happen, but at least being aware of it is a big help.    

What is the great lesson you've learned as a mom? 

Pick your battles. Somethings just aren't worth a fight.    

What is your favorite quote that inspires you as a mom? 

“The days are long but the years are short.”

This really spoke to me when my kids were little and needed so much care taking. It was exhausting on a daily basis and yet the years slip by and now my oldest is already in high school.

What is your favorite song that inspires you as a mom? 

I’m not terribly musical, but the first thing that popped into my head is "I Will Survive", so I’m going to go with that!    

What is the one piece of advice you'd like to give to other moms? 

You’re doing better than you think. We're all super critical of ourselves. I guarantee you’re doing so much better than you think. Motherhood is hard. Reach out for support because we’re all in this together.            

How has your relationship with your partner changed?  How has it stayed the same?

The biggest change is that we don't have nearly as much time together as a couple. We have to actively plan to go to coffee or dinner in order to reconnect.     

How has your relationship with your friends, family or support system changed?  How has it stayed the same?

I made a lot of new friends when my kids were young. There were natural ways to meet women with similar aged kids. As my kids have gotten older and do more things independently, I find it’s harder to connect with other moms. It requires much more intentional action on my part to maintain friendships.  I think becoming mothers has strengthened my bond with my sisters. They are a good support and I trust their parenting advice as we all have the same values

What is something that has surprised you about being a mom (i.e. something you didn't realize you'd enjoy, something you didn't know babies/kids did, something you didn't know could bring so much joy)? 

I continue to be amazed at how three kids who aren't biologically my own can be so completely a part of my soul. It doesn't matter that I didn't give birth to them. I couldn't possible love anyone more.    

How many children do you have? (Include the special make-up of your family steps, adopted, guardianships, halves- or no details at all- up to you!) 

3    

Share your relationship status. 

married.


 

You Can Find Sharon Martin at:

website: http://SharonMartinCounseling.com 

PsychCentral Blog: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/