Are you the type of partner who likes to point out all the things that your partner isn’t doing just the same way you do them? Or are you the one that gets nit picked to death?
Hi, I'm Catherine O'Brien at HappyWithBaby.com and today I’m going to talk about some ways that you can help fix this.
So let me give you a scenario… this just happened to me this week: I tend to be the nit picker. For instance, I pick up my son from school every single day. I know the fastest route. I know which route you won't have to stop at all the lights and I like it to be quick and efficient.
Well, the other day my husband was able to get off work early, so he went with us to pick up my son from school and he was driving. And every stop sign or stop light I was like 'oh you're going that way? Uh, what is going on?!” I was driving him crazy. Of course I didn't realize this at first, until all of the sudden we are at a stop sign and he's like, 'so which direction should I go?' And then I realized 'oh wow what was I doing?'
Fortunately, it didn't turn into this crazy blow up fight or anything like that. I was able to recognize my problem.
I hear this a lot from couples that come into my office here in Sacramento and also our new and expecting parent workshop that we do called, ‘Mine, Yours, Ours: Relationship Survival Guide to Baby's First Year.' We get couples (usually it is the dad’s, I hate to say but...) they say ‘I'm trying to change a diaper or I'm trying to do this and then mom is standing over me telling me 'oh you shouldn't do it this way'' and then he kind of gets frustrated and gives up and then doesn't want to help.
So I always like to remind my couples that we all have our learning curve, we all do it different, and there's not really one right way to do it. We each have to find our own groove and like my husband has his own groove going to pick up my son from school, which is perfectly fine we still made it there!
I also tend to notice when I get anxious, in the same example, I was worried we might be a little bit late to pick our son up, is when I start to nit pick so the partner that feels like “Hey, my wife or my husband or whatever is nit picking me." could maybe check in with them and say “Hey, what's going on? Are you ok?" or "I'm trying to do my best but I'm trying to figure this out too" and maybe they'll be able to open up and say "I feel anxious. I hate when I hear the baby crying so then I just want to take over."
It's ok if you're feeling anxious to go in the other room or go outside and go for a walk or something brief and just let it go. Let your partner figure out their own way, their own method.
So, I hope this helps if you have any questions or need any feedback feel free to give me a call at 916-718-9501 or shoot me an email and until next time, take care, bye!